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Real Estate Jokes

Q: What is a maintenance-free house....
A: There hasn't been any maintenance in the last 10 years.

The home buyer thinking of the real estate agent: I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a shark.

Q: When is a one-story house a two-story house?
A: You get one story before you buy and the second story after.

This house is 5 minutes from shopping ... if you have an airplane.

News and stories behind the humor in the Real Estate Jokes page at

The home buyer told the real estate agent that he lived in the same big house for the last 10 years. When the real estate agent checked his credit, she found out he still would be there today without the pardon from the Governor.

Q: How close was the house for sale to water?
A: In the basement.

By the time you pay off a house in the suburbs, it isn't.

Q: What is a house-warming party?
A: The final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present.

Your home feels like a castle... when you pay the taxes.

Q: How long is a temporary mortgage?
A: Until the bank forecloses.

Charity is a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.

Here is an odd Real Estate listing: This house has a great location, but just one problem... The oven is self-cleaning, but the kids weren't.

Q: Why do you want front door leading right into the dining room instead of the foyer?
A: So my in-laws won't have to waste any time.

Realtor to First Time Homebuyer: First let's have a frank discussion about what you can afford ... then we'll all laugh hysterically and go on from there.

If you think no one cares you're alive, miss a couple of house payments.

A large real estate lender called FIRST National Bank took out a billboard, giving the wrong message, "Loans make life easier, at FIRST."

What destroys people and leaves buildings intact, that isn't a neutron bomb. It's called a mortgage.

Q: Why was the 10,000 sq. ft. mansion listed for only $1000? It had a swimming pool, guest house and no discernible structural problems.
A: The seller was getting divorced and all her husband asked for was the proceeds from the sale.

Q: How do you become a homeowner?
A: Take out a first and second mortgage.


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