Listitude Spoilers News

Halloween Jokes II Thinking of the season, here's some more Halloween Jokes. Before we know it, Halloween will be around the corner, it is time for the annual Just Jokes and Humor Blog Halloween Jokes and humor update. You can find more Halloween Jokes by following the link . Here are some pumpkin jokes, ghost jokes, ghoul jokes, witch jokes, skeleton jokes and Dracula jokes to lighten up the season... What do birds sing on Halloween? Twick or Tweet. Why were there no leftovers after the monster party? Because everyone was goblin! Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Dayscare centers. What is the first thing ghosts do when they get in the car? Boo-kle their sheet belts. What did the ghost buy for his haunted house? Home moaner's insurance. What was the favorite game at the ghost's birthday party? Hide and shriek! What do ghosts serve for desert? Ice Scream What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spell-ing. Why do witches fly on brooms? Vacuum cleaner cord...

Turn the clock back and let's party like it's 1999. An old Y2K Joke: Dear Boss: Mi hope I haven’t misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, that Y to K dates problem doesn't make any sense at all to me. Well by now I have finished converting all the months on all the company calendars so that the year 2000 is ready to go with the following improved months: Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk. In addition to that, I've changed the days of the week, so now they are ready for the year 2000 and will be: Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak. Is it enough, or should I change any other Y to K? I am a fan of the New York Yankees. Should I call them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K ready?

Snow is falling (rain in California!), children are playing, bells are ringing ... and I'm collecting entertaining Christmas Jokes and Hanukkah Jokes from stupid to great, so if you have one to add send it to me, or put it in the comments and I'll add it to the list! Without further discussion let's start with the Christmas Jokes...'Tis the season... Q-How long should a reindeer's legs be? A-Just long enough to reach the ground. Knock knock. Who's there? Santa it's cold. Santa it's cold who? Santa said it's cold, can we take the sleigh out tomorrow instead? Knock knock. Who's there? Santa it's freezing. Santa it's freezing who? Santa, Rudolph wanated to tes tthe flagpole and it's freezing. Knock knock. Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas! What happens if you eat x-mas decorations? You get tinsel-itis! Did you hear about Hanibal Lechter's Christmas party? It's a scream! Keep that reindeer out of the house, it'...

Thanksgiving Jokes Turkeys Allowed! Turkey warning ... Turkey jokes ahead in the annual Thanksgiving jokes of the Just Jokes and Humor blog. We love Thanksgiving ... good food, turkey, stuffing and now a little spice to liven up the feast. If you have anymore Thanksgiving jokes or turkey jokes to add, send them to us or add to the comments. Why did the turkey cross the road? It was the chicken's day off. The Thanksgiving turkey went to the psychiatrist, and said, Doc I need help, I can't stop acting like a turkey... "I see," said the shrink. "How long have you had this problem?" "Uh since my mommy laid an egg in 2007!" What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus? Eight drumsticks for the Thanksgiving meal. Some Knock Knock Thanksgiving jokes: Knock Knock. Who's there? Sid. Sid who? Sid down. It's time to eat! Knock Knock. Who's there? Anita. Anita who? Anita nother drumstick. Knock Knock. Who's there? Phillup. Phillu...

Q: What is greatest Obama Jokes irony of Election 2008? A: Find out below ... At the Just Jokes and Humor blog we subscribe to equal humor for political jokes. We've had Republican jokes ... now for some Democrat jokes. Don't worry, the political humor pendulum will swing back Republican for sure, and Democrat too. Bust a move Ok, laying aside politics ... we love Barack Obama, the Senator from Illinois, and President-elect of the United States. Such a nice ... uh fill in a random sophomoric awkward comment (err joke?) from Senator Joseph Biden here. Yes, that Senator Joseph Biden - called by some the Obama jokes gift that keeps on giving and the originator of the classic Obama joke, now is the Vice-President, making Barack's selection of him the greatest irony of election '08. Sen. Barack Obama broke onto the national political stage with his stunning landslide election as Senator, uh President. He also broke into the political jokes and political humor stage i...

Hillary Jokes Hillary Clinton Jokes - Read from Right to Left not Following on the equal humor tradition of the Just Jokes and Humor blog we’ve had Obama Jokes , and now for some Hillary Jokes … that’s Hillary Clinton Jokes for the uninitiated! The first question is obvious … Hillary Jokes? What in the world are Hillary jokes? After all, Hillary Clinton is said to have had her funny bone removed. Ta dum. Not exactly a political jokes or political humor magnate. Uh oh, she’s taking names now! As with Senator Obama, the late night talk shows have no shortage of Hillary Clinton jokes. Here is one from David Letterman: "Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great state of New York. When they swore her in, she used the Clinton family Bible. You know, the one with only seven commandments.” A daytime Hillary Clinton Jokes interlude: Q. What’s the difference between Hillary Clinton and Pinocchio? A. One’s a puppet? Good guess, but nope. With Pinocchio you can see wh...

Halloween Jokes! - The ghost, the witch and the watchmaker. What's scary about a watchmaker? Nothing ... dah dumm ... dumm ... dumm The air is getting chillier, the pumpkins are appearing, Halloween ghosts and goblins are coming out from hiding in the garage … and I’m collecting Halloween Jokes from the short jokes to the stupid jokes to the great Halloween jokes. In honor of the boooooooootiful season, here are some Halloween jokes and Halloween humor, and if you have a joke to add, send it to me or put it in the comments and I’ll add it to the list! Q. What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? A: Bamboo. Q: How do you mend a broken Halloween Jack-o-lantern? A: With a pumpkin patch. Halloween knock-knock joke… Knock Knock Who’s there? Boo Boo who? That’s all right ... don’t cry. Q: Where do ghosts mail their Halloween greetings? A: At the ghost office. Q: Why did the witch put her broom in the wash for Halloween? A: She wanted a clean sweep. News and stories behind the h...

After hearing a banana joke last week, I decided to post a few ... Q: Why was Anna not allowed to visit the King in his jungle kingdom? A: He had his guards ban-anna from the castle. Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor's office? A: She wasn't peeling well. Knock knock Who's There? Banana Banana Who? When you are in a restaurant, always be polite, even if a banana is sitting next to you. Q: What is green in the morning, yellow in the afternoon and brown in the evening? A: A banana. Q: What was the highlight of the banana gymnast's performance? A: A banana split. Q: What's the favorite toy of a baby Banana? A: Mr. Banana Head. Knock knock Who's There? Banana Banana who? Banana Pants.

Here are some doctor jokes and humor to lighten up the next visit to the Doctor's office or the hospital. Some dentist jokes, pharmacist jokes and psychology / psychiatrist jokes too. First some short doctor jokes, followed by a few longer ones. A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a turnip in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly." From the pharmacist: Take one of these pills every four hours. Or as often as you can get the cap off. Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled? Dentist: $500.00. Patient: $500.00 for just a few minutes work? Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like. What do you call a depressed dentist? A little down in the mouth. Doctor calls her patient: I have some bad news and some very very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab c...

Continuing with our Retirement Jokes and humor series, here are a few more retirement jokes or senior jokes. Click on the "labels" links at the end to find more Retirement Jokes ... It's not the age but the mileAGE that counts. You know that you are getting old when you remember when you had to get up to change the channel on the black and white TV. You know that you are getting old when you remember Coke came in a glass bottle. You know that you are getting old when you remember when you wore your good clothes to travel by air. You know that you are getting old when you remember when most of your sentences begin with, "When I was your age..." You know that you are getting old when you often repeat things...You often repeat things... You often repeat things... You know that you are getting old when you remember when getting a new bicycle meant you were rich.

On your birthday every year, you get one year older. For some they stop at 29, others at 21. Here are some birthday jokes and humor to lighten up the special day. What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common? Their birthdays all fall on holidays. Q - What type of cake is used for birthday cake in heaven? A - Angel food cake. Q - Did you hear about the maple tree's birthday? A - It was a sappy one! News and stories behind the humor in the Birthday Jokes page at Humor-and-Jokes.com You know you're growing old when by the time you've lit the last candle on the birthday cake, the first one has burned out. Q - When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? A - They both get sliced. Q - What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for her birthday? A - I don't know, but you better hope she likes it! You know that you are getting old when you remember when the fire department comes to your birthday party in case the candles on the bir...

Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants? A: In case he got a hole in one. The problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you. Q: How is golf like taxes? A: You drive hard to get to the green, and then you wind up in the hole. $$$ Three seniors were out golfing. "These hills are getting steeper as the years go by," one said. "The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them" said the second senior. After hearing enough from his buddies, the third senior said, "Just be thankful we're still on the right side of the grass!" $$$ Carl goes out golfing with his boss Lyle to play 9 holes on their lunch. While both men are playing excellently and at a fast pace, they are often held up by two women in front of them chatting and searching for hook shots execissively. Joe goes to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up a bit. But once he gets about half the way to them, he stops ...

Q: What is a maintenance-free house.... A: There hasn't been any maintenance in the last 10 years. The home buyer thinking of the real estate agent: I didn't think anybody could have that many teeth without being a shark. Q: When is a one-story house a two-story house? A: You get one story before you buy and the second story after. This house is 5 minutes from shopping ... if you have an airplane. News and stories behind the humor in the Real Estate Jokes page at Humor-and-Jokes.com The home buyer told the real estate agent that he lived in the same big house for the last 10 years. When the real estate agent checked his credit, she found out he still would be there today without the pardon from the Governor. Q: How close was the house for sale to water? A: In the basement. By the time you pay off a house in the suburbs, it isn't. Q: What is a house-warming party? A: The final call for those who haven't sent a wedding present. Your home feels like a castle... w...

Q: Why are basketball players messy eaters? A: They're always dribbling. Q: What's the difference between a basketball player and a dog? A: One drools, the other dribbles. Q: What did Bobby Knight say about coaching the 1980 U.S. Olympics basketball team against the team from China? A: "It was a lot of fun playing the Chinese, but an hour later, we wanted to play them again." Q: Why was Cinderella thrown off the team? A: She ran away from the ball. Q: What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball? A: You get out of the way fast. Q: Why did the coach let the elephant play basketball? A: He already broke the bench. Q. Why did Ron Artest leave the game early? A. He wanted to beat the crowd. Q: How did the basketball court get wet? A: The players dribbled all over it. We're shooting 100 percent - 60 percent from the field and 40 percent from the free-throw line. Q: If an athlete gets athlete's foot, what does an astronaut get? A: Missile toe! Q: Why ca...

In the spirit of the Easter holiday season, here are a few Easter jokes honoring the Easter bunny and Easter Eggs, and the holiday... News and stories behind the humor in the Easter Jokes page at Humor-and-Jokes.com Q - How does the Easter bunny stay in shape? A - Hareobics! Q - Why did the Easter bunny cross the road? A - To prove she wasn't chicken! Q - Why did the Easter bunny cross the road? A - It was the chicken's day off. Q - Why does the Easter bunny have a shiny nose? A - His powder puff is on the wrong end. Q - How can you find the Easter bunny? A - Eggs (x) marks the spot. Q - Why did the Easter egg hide behind the bush? A - He was a little chicken. Q - What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot? A - It's been nice gnawing you. Knock-Knock Who's there? Some bunny. Some bunny who? Some bunny is eating my Easter candy! Q - What did the man say when he saw 10 Easter bunnies hopping down a hill? A - There go 10 Easter bunnies hopping down the hill... Q - And, th...

Funny Pets: Funny Bunnies Funny Bunny Picture / Funny Rabbit Pet Pictures I have no idea what you are talking about, ... so here's a bunny with a pancake on its head. Continuing with our series of funny pets, this was a funny bunny picture.

Funny Pet Videos: Bunny Rabbits Funny Bunny Videos / Funny Pet Rabbit Videos Continuing with our series of funny pet videos, here are a few funny bunny rabbit videos we found. Undoubtedly bunnies are full of cute, but mixing in some dry humor and you have ... well ... more cute. We have searched for videos of cute or hilarious rabbits in some funny situations and here are some of the best and funny bunny rabbit videos we found. If you have a funny or cute bunny rabbit video, you can leave it in the comments and we'll consider it for the next funny pet videos post. Q - What do you call 10 rabbits marching backwards? A - A receding hareline. Q - What did the rabbit say to the carrot? A - It's been nice gnawing you. Q - What party games do rabbits like? A - Musical Hares. A bunny letter opener. This rabbit is ready for an office job opening: Here is a cute funny bunny cleaning house: Cute reigns supreme as these three funny rabbits go after Honey Bunches of Oats hungry hippo style...

Funny Pet Videos: Dogs Funny Dog Videos What funny pet videos series would be complete without a few funny dog videos. Here are a few funny dog videos we found. We have searched for videos of cute or hilarious dogs in some funny situations and here are three of the best and funny dog videos we found. If you have a funny or cute dog video, you can leave it in the comments and we'll consider it for the next funny dog videos post. Funny and cute dog compilation video: Funny animated Dog and funny Hippo sing Lion Sleeps Tonight: Funny Dog video of retriever eating a milk bone off nose:

Funny Pet Videos: Cats Funny Cat Videos This is part of our series on funny videos. Here are some funny cat videos. We have searched for videos of bizarre cats in some funny situations and here are two of the best and cutest funny cat videos we found. Funny Cats video: Funny cat food ad video featuring a bungee jumping mouse:

Here the Senility Prayer: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference *** The company threw a retirement party for the boss. A farewell card was passed around and everyone wrote down their best wishes, from the bottom of their hearts. "Without you, the company will never be the same." When the card got to Maddie she wrote, "The best news in 20 years." *** Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: "Slim, I'm 87 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" I feel just like a newborn baby. Really!? Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.